Tuesday, June 30, 2015

Happy Birthday to my sweet tiny tiny baby

He's 8. Can't believe it. How did this happen? It was yesterday that I could hold him in my hand. Now he is up to my nose and I can BARELY carry him. Yes, I carry him. I try to carry him. He is long and heavy but that's why I do squats and dead lifts. :)

iFly Houston. Look at the wind blown smile on that face!
I call him my "tiny tiny baby". TA stopped correcting me. He will always be the tiny tiny baby to me. I thought when I was pregnant with him that there was no way that I would love him as much as I loved Alexis. Impossible, I thought. I had no idea I had this much love in my heart. Both my kids have taught me this lesson. I have lots of love in my heart...more than enough for the both of them. They have taught me patience when I didn't think that was possible either. My instinct used to be anger and yelling. It does not work with either. I give Alexis the "I'm disappointed" speech and she's in tears. With J, I have to get to the bottom of why he did what he did. This is not easy. It takes a while and boy, does it take patience. Once I do, things get better and he is able to learn.

Our families don't understand that. They are old school. Yelling and the belt. That is where they go. I'm tired of yelling. Do I still yell...yes. Have I stopped yelling as much...yes. We have both come a long way as parents. I can't tell you how proud I am of my husband and the father he has grown in to. I told him that God took my competitiveness and TA's competitiveness and he doubled down on J. God did this because he knew we would understand it and help him.

Bottom line, we have taken responsibility for their growth and we will NEVER give up on them. How could you give up on that sweet face? God has a great plan for you, my son. I can see it. Daddy can see it. We are going to help you get there. I pray that my grandfather, my father and TA's grandmother look down on you with great pride. I wish they could have met you now, but you will one day. For now, we get to enjoy you and you are such a joy in our lives. You crack all of us up every day. Thank you for that!!!

I love you TJA! May God watch over you always.

Tuesday, June 9, 2015

Sunday Night

Between Game of Thrones and Veep, my Sunday nights are awesome!

This season of GOT is giving me life. I swear it is all I talk about. I think the 2 other dragon riders will be Jon Snow and Tyrion Lannister. 

My 2 fave insults from the Jonad files:
Teenage Mutant Ninja Asshole

I am going to be so depressed when these 2 shows are over next week.
True Detective starts this summer. I hope it is good! The cast looks great.
Maybe I will finish watching The Wire this summer. 

I love a good TV series. I need more in my life. Suggestions??

Feeling better and attacking

My back feels much better. I pushed a little at the gym today and I think I won't regret it. I didn't push as much as I could have, but I did push a little more than I thought I would. While I was doing my shoulder exercises, I was trying to focus on something other than fatigue. I zoned in on work and how I might attack the next challenge that faces me.

I have a delicate situation at work. I have to get involved in an account, but not really. It is very hard to explain. Friday, I told my boss that he needs to make a formal statement on the status of this very high profile account. He agreed, but asked that I craft a draft for him. UGH! I am in the process of typing the first draft and I am sure it will go through many revisions.

One of the biggest challenges I have will be managing the people that have been on this account for a long time. They are going to remain there, but I am somehow going to be governing this account from behind the scenes. I don't think two of the guys will like that. Yes. I forgot to mention that all the people on this account are male. Not one female. The irony of this whole thing is that one of the guys I will now manage was a guy that showed me the ropes at work when I first got to this company. I do have the feeling that he will attempt to take advantage of me in different ways. It is always awkward. They completely ignore me when I am in meetings with them. I know I will have to start asserting myself at some point but I have this huge learning curve to go through. This is a big all around challenge and I have to focus on how I am going to attack. While it may seem easy to start on the people part, I need to look at the big picture. A strategy needs to be either formed or carried over. All we are doing is firefighting now. We can't live like that any more. I made my way in to an issue today. While I spent the day trying to gather info and really figure out WTH was going on, I got a message from my boss asking me the same question. I had an answer. I gave it to him and the team and he said "You have this under control. Just keep me informed." UGH! I really don't! I am glad he thinks I do but now I really have to get things under control.

While I was shoulder pressing, I could not help but smile about the challenges ahead of me. I smiled because I live for this shit. I live for the pressure and the chance to elevate myself. I can't be scared to fail. If that happens, I will be paralyzed. I don't have time for that. I must move, even if I misstep. Men are often allowed to make many mistakes. Women don't have that luxury but I think I am in an unusual situation. I may be allowed to stumble. I am looking forward to the chance to fall on my face, dust myself off, then attack again.

Monday, June 1, 2015

I Miss My Kids

My kids are with my mom and dad this week. They get out of school a week earlier than most and the camps we have them registered for don't start until next week. My dad is retired so he will be home with them all week. My mom took Thursday and Friday off so they will be in San Antonio for those two days. They are going to have so much fun.

They have FaceTimed me every night so far. It's weird. The older they get, the more I miss them when they are away from me. I thought it would be backwards. Alexis went away for three days to Camp Kappe for school. I was a mess. I missed her so much. If I could bottle up this time and their age right now, I would. I want them to stay 11 and 8 forever! They are so much fun. J constantly cracks us up and Alexis amazes us every day.

They FaceTimed last night. Luckily, we had finished Game of Thrones. If you know me, you know I am obsessed with this show. I feel it is my civic duty to tell everyone who reads this to follow the #demthrones hashtag on twitter for amazing little gems like this.
If you don't know what this means, please look it up now!
I typically have to watch the episode twice because I am reading the timeline on this hashtag the whole time I am watching the show. Last night, we were ten minutes behind so I had to exit the app because I was trying to figure out what was coming up.

Again, I digress...

They didn't want to hang up. How sweet! I love my babies! I will carry J until I physically hurt myself. I desperately want my children to be independent and have a mind of their own, but I need to somehow do this in a way where they do not move too far from me in the future. HA! There is a fine line there and I need to figure it out. I remember when Alexis was a baby and I was going crazy. I was trying to get her to say her ABC''s. One day, TA picked her up from the sitter and he said, "Listen! She is singing the ABC song!" I could hear her in the back and I started to cry. That was something I was trying to do but I didn't get her to do it. Sandra, her sitter, did it. I called my friend Teresa, hysterical that Sandra was teaching her stuff and I was missing it. Teresa calmed me down and said to me, "It is Alexis's life. You have to let go. She is going to do things on her terms and when she is ready." I think about this all the time when they hit milestones or when they do things differently than I would have. I am here to guide her but, it is their life. They live a great life. They are the most amazing things in this world to me. I don't know how these two amazing kids came from me, but they are so unique and wonderful.  I still want to be a big part to them forever so I need to work on this independent/dependent thing. HAHAHA!
Help me! How do I do this? I need answers!!!

I thought this week would be a great week to spend every night with TA but he just sent me a message stating he is busy almost every night this week. Now his weekend is full too! So much for that! I do enjoy my alone time but I want to make sure the marriage is first on the list all the time. As amazing as my kids are, TA is still #1. I have to make sure we remember that always. We have had a motto from day one...Us against the world. It is the mission statement of our relationship. We have now included this kids in this saying but it all starts from the two of us.

But I still miss my kids. :)

(As I type this, I see Bruce Jenner is now Caitlyn. WOW! Her cover picture looks amazing!)