Venting

My post yesterday was therapeutic. I went to bed feeling better and today I have a clear head about my "stress".

This is all self-imposed stress. I need to quit. I have stress at work. Trying to cut a budget to save jobs is stress. Going to a conference and worrying about my knee is not really stressful. It is annoying but is it really stress? Stress is worrying about how to feed your kids. Stress is wondering how you are going to pay the light bill. We all have our own levels of stress but I feel like an ass for complaining about the things I complained about last night.

Truth is, I have a very blessed life. I was looking at a picture that someone posted of my daughter last Friday at school during Go Texan day. She looked super cute. Cutest girl in the school that day. That picture hit me like a ton of bricks though. She looked so grown up. I hated that feeling of her being an adult and not being in our house every day. I love that girl. She is the most amazing person I know. Why am I always stressed? I have a great life. I have set it up to be busy and now I am complaining? UGH! I gave myself a reality check last night and let all that crap go. I will get through the week and do all the things I have to get done with a smile on my face and with some grace.

There is a friend of mine that is constantly complaining on her FB about the every day life of raising an 18 month old daughter with her husband while trying to have a career. Her complaints irritate me. She hates being criticized but is the first to criticize other moms. I could go on and on about her but I won't. I mention her because she is a constant reminder to me to be grateful for my beautiful, healthy family. No need to complain about homework, schedules, and lack of sleep. I have it easy compared to others. This is my attempt to be a little more relaxed.

I was stressed all weekend and why? Nothing I was doing really was life or death. Why do I stress so much about the kids being tardy to school? So what? Who really cares. It is not like it goes on their record as a negative. I'm in traffic gripping the steering wheel trying to get there as early as possible. Time for me to focus my attention on the thing that really matter and not whether or not my son has the proper belt on for school that day.

I don't know how I am going to do this but I am going to try to start releasing some of this "stress". It's not stress. It is just a semi-full schedule. Nothing we can't handle. I am going to stop using the phrase "super busy" and "crazy busy" and see if that helps. I am sure this won't be the last post I make about how off I was previously but I am working on it. I am a work in progress. My husband wanted this blog to be cathartic for me. So far, so good. Thanks babe!

Stress

My first stress post. I can predict there will be more. I will number them once I get going, but, for now, I will just call this one “Stress”. Maybe I should number them so I can see how much I whine. I hate whining.

Crazy week. Everyone says that about their weeks but my head is still spinning. I took the lead on budget cuts for our department and helping my boss meet his budget goal for the year. 20% cut. Ouch! This would not be bad if I had been involved in the budget the entire year and known where the numbers came from. I don’t. I am doing a deep dive in to each category I was asked to evaluate and I have 1.5 days to do it before I leave town for a conference.

Tuesday through Thursday I will be in NOLA for a conference. This only stresses me because of my exercise program. The stress has doubled because I ran a 5k this weekend. I have not run in 8 years. I knew I was in good enough cardio and physical shape to finish and finish strong. My company put together a team of almost 30 people to run either a 10k or a 5k.

Half of our run club team

Stacy and I pre-race

I did it. I finished strong. I went WAY faster on the last mile than the other two. My goal was to pass 20 people. I passed way more than 20. One day later, I remember why I don’t run. My knee is KILLING ME. I have had trouble with my Iliotibial Band (IT band) for the last 8 years. I first noticed it after a 4 mile run 8 years ago. It has been trouble ever since. It has never hurt this bad in 8 years like it does today. It hurts to walk down the stairs. So frustrating. I have been to numerous doctors and spent so much money on trying to get this fixed just to have it ruined in 30 minutes. I am scheduled to teach Bodypump tomorrow and I am trying to figure out WTF I am going to do. Still haven’t found a sub for my Wednesday class. I will probably have to stand in front of the class on Monday with little to no weight on the bar for squats and lunges or get a sub. I hate this. I am also worried about the conference. How am I supposed to walk around for 2.5 days with pain like this. Just typing this, I know it must sound trivial to whomever is reading this but I am so upset. We all have setbacks but I am tired to this one. I just want to be able to bend my knees to pick up something without worrying if I will injure myself while I get up. This is stressing me because I want to exercise while I am in NOLA. I don’t know how I will do this. I typically work from early in the morning until very late at night at these things.

The budget. It is hanging over me like a dark cloud. Cut or cut more heads. I don’t want that. I received pretty good news on it on Friday about our progress but I still want to get it completed so I can move on with my normal job. Our performance evaluations are due tomorrow as well. I hate those things. I spend so much time writing them and then they become meaningless. 

My kids are taking their standardized tests this week. Good week for them to do this because I will be out of town. They won’t have much homework. But now I am stressed about their eating and if they will get enough sleep while I am away. I stress about my husband’s stress level while I am away. 

This is one of those time where I know I need a few days off. Typically, I would handle this stress by exercising but now that option is limited. I need a release. Maybe I will meditate. I don’t think that will work but I can give it a try. 

Work

My health

Conference

My kids

My husband

My other job

=

Stress (right now)

Any suggestions that don’t cause me to empty all the liquor in the house are greatly appreciated. :)